Gift No. 13 - Lean Back Lean back into Waiting Arms–See Who is Still There When You Do
I learned resilience in the ups and downs (economic and emotional) of Tulsa. The flatland economy is built on booms and busts so there is a lot of individual experience with bouncing and splatting but nothing prepared me for caregiving.
The power dynamics of giving are more attractive than asking. Lean Back is one of the renewable lessons—the centenarians know. If you are willing to show up in not just he booms but the busts of others, you are more likely to find people who will show up for you. Be Willing to receive is the durable way to renew your life. So is asking. These are the inherent checks and balances in the booms and busts.
I was not taught to ask. Asking showed you were weak; it’s a very manly lesson in shame that my mother taught me by osmosis. The more evergreen prairie lesson is about neighborliness and community. If you’re superbly blessed you have a DNA family or perhaps it is found family who gets you—DNA of the heart. The living fabric of support is interdependence; it is sustainable power of woven living light--even if I am too dark, on occasion, to see it. Being solidly in community means that I am more likely to find help because the current is flowing throughout the network.
I give myself permission to be a part of this Earthly commons, by asking. Since it is not easy to ask for help, (maybe it shouldn’t ever be easy to ask…) it gives me the opportunity to clarify what I need. My asking may even help others by being an example of how to ask with grace and the lack of any shame. It gives others permission to be connected. It is the basis of our commons.
“Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage-—to let ourselves be seen, to be honest.“ – Brene Brown TEDxHouston Talk.
Asking is courageous. Like blood, money needs to circulate to be healthy; it’s like inhaling and exhaling. Ask. Give. Receive. Celebrate your time here with others. It’s love in motion—it’s improv. Lean Back into waiting arms. People are not always loving, loyal and kind. If those connections are not there pick yourself up, and be grateful for the clarity—it’s the feedback that feeds you.
It’s Feed Me Feedback. Go find better friends. Be one.
For this reason, I recommend a test lean before a crisis. Asking threshes out the keepers.