Category: Caregiver Health

Memorial Day reminds us we live in the Garden of Change…

5/27/2024

When things change … or when WE LOSE SOMEONE ONE, it’s a loss - even if we choose it. Think about it …changing jobs… or locations: a new town or apartment… or a DIVORCE (which is a death… ) there are things you miss and things you don’t.

We don’t take ACTION until our MENTAL LIST of possible GAINS ARE GREATER THAN the pain of loss. It’s a math of living…The vision pulls and the pain pushes… AND THEN, HERE were are again … on our knees…in the garden of change.

Or maybe its not a list, but you have some wise friend encourages you in a better direction… helping us notice both the pain WE HAVE HAVE BEEN ENDURING AND the resources beside us. This is the holy ground…of having a community.

The Lesson of the Rose: encouragement

Hafiz said it well in this poem:

How did the rose ever have the courage
to open all its beauty to the world?

It needed the encouragement of light against its being…
otherwise we all remain too frightened.

– Hafiz translation by Daniel Ladinsky

Wise friends walking with us along the way are golden… It’s why we form in like-minded communities. We need each other’s encouragement…

Change helps us to open TO RECEIVERSHIP…. We don't do this life alone… and if we do we tend to go dark…

A VERY good lesson. ITS THE LESSON OF THE ROSE

The Lotus' Lesson of the holy muck

The lesson of the LOTUS… is that of sacred soil amendments.
Both MY Landscape Architect brain… and my hospice chaplain brain… think of the unnoticed resources under our feet… as holy ground… SACRED SOIL AMENDMENTS.
That’s right - SACRED SOIL AMENDMENTS.

Imagine THIS: an exquisite lotus rising above the water, reaching for the light but rooted in the most awful, slimy muck at the bottom of the pond that you can imagine…
that lotus is using it all, rooting into the resources under ITS feet, to bloom. All the LOTUS needs is right here…

But when the losses are NOT of our making… it’s much worse. Its like the destruction of an ancient, magnificent oak … there is a hole in the sky where it used to be.
Death of a loved one - whether it is a long decline as with dementia, or an abrupt accident that leaves us on our knees in the muck, and breathless from the hole in our hearts - ITS A LOT

Grief is MUD BATH -

it’s messy, and chaotic and inconvenient … and In terms of getting “over’ loss and grief… the only way OUT is through. It seems to be designed for us TO PAUSE… and LISTEN more deeply.

We can DENY GRIEF, claim a positive attitude to appear as if we are coping ………saying we are “fine” when we are not… but if we do not stay in that healing mud long enough, or listen deeply enough, we are likely to get stuck. The fastest way out IS NOT TO RUN FROM THE PAIN - but to face it. TO WALK TOWARD IT… AA FOLKS KNOW THIS.

We are humbled in these tender valleys … I call the the frontlines of love…

The word HUMILITY comes from the word humus, which for you non-gardeners, is the sometimes stinky organic matter - like compost, manure and well-rotted detritus that makes beautiful soil and fuels new growth.

It’s the LESSON of the LOTUS: to use ALL of our experiences as nutrients in this SACRED MUD of change, HOLY LOAM…of loss… this Holy ground of our being.

The ROAD to reconciling our losses and finding our way back to joy… is full of potholes and MUD…HEALING mud… Being on our knees in authentic grief, is an inside-out perspective (AGAIN it seems designed to help us PAUSE… LISTEN to the whispers of what is true and unchanging… and THE NEW STORIES that match WHO WE ARE NOW.) The dreams of our 16 year-old-self are not likely to be satisfying or sustaining ones at 60.

..Trusting that whatever things it may be too late for, prayer is not one of them, nor a chance, nor change, nor passion, nor laughter... NOR JOY.

- Excerpt from Wrestling the Light by Ted Loder

From our loss shaped hole within… we can plant seeds of a new life that fit us now.

I lost my favorite Aunt this month… my Aunt Mary. I also lost as my last kitty, a 6 lb talking cat named, Sister. It was time for her to walk with Spirit…

Today I am here with both an Aunt Mary shaped hole in my heart and a kitty shaped hole. Most of my family is gone, so I have a lot of personal practice at this… but as a hospice chaplain and grief counselor, I know that in this space, sometimes I can … we can… glimpse the unhealed stories of our upbringing that THEIR LOVE filled, but did not completely heal… not all the way.

The opportunity in the MUCK of grief is that we can heal a little bit more…

THE MUD-FUELED NEW STORIES...waiting

WE CAN RECEIVE THE MUD-FUELED NEW STORIES THAT are waiting to be planted in the bare patches. THIS is where we become the gardeners of our lives.

NOTHING is really broken. It’s ALL part of the cycle in the Garden of Change…after we have tended ourselves and mourned enough, new things will start to grow on our naked earth. Do you weed them? Or do you FEED them?

USE your Gifts…Plant THEM… Nurture that… TEND that

REMEMBER the lesson of the rose : to receive the encouragement of Light. Remember the lessons in the MUD from the lotus - to use it all - both the light and the shadow - to fuel your blooming.

REMEMBER the lesson of the rose : to receive the encouragement of Light.

Remember the lessons in the MUD from the lotus - to use it all - both the light and the shadow - to fuel your blooming.

As you plant your Memorial Day bulb in the good earth today, Be awake that the bulb has EVERYTHING it needs to bloom into story…and so do WE….to the beauty that fits US now… IT may be sprouting, as we speak, in the holy ground of loss.

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” - George Sand

The good news is that we are not alone on this road…

EVERYONE WHO IS BREATHING is on this road. We have company in the changes.
BE the GARDENER today and tend it all as love and with love.

Who’s ready for some sacred gardening?

-Talk prepared by Rev. Eleesabeth Hager for a Memorial Day (blub planting) ritual honoring our soldiers and our loved ones who have made their transition.
May 26th, 2024 at San Francisco Unity.

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CONNECTED & a Perfecting Moment

8/1/2020

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I begin by reminding myself, (and you) about the FIRE HOSE of power in the moment.

EVERYTHING can change in a moment but when we make the moment a practice...it perfects us.

(Ahem, that would be THIS one.) No... wait we missed it. Don't worry here it is again... because the quantum scientists and the ancient mystics say that we only have ONE: i.e. This one moment.

Practicing the PERFECTing Moment

We began this sound meditation with a ONE MINUTE meditation. I call it PRACTICING the PERFECTING MOMENT: It is a Pause button which may be pushed any time. We always have a minute. This one was to the Indian singing bell with an "In & Out' mantra.

Daily Word today that day spoke about getting to a "calm certainty…in connection…" (that would be a great 1 minute mantra...) or simply Let your breath be your in and out mantra….

Here: it's simple:

1. Align – your spine …you should get a little spark of energy when you sit up straight or stand in a mindfully balanced way….( a frisson of flow)

2. Allow the breath to breathe you – to the sound of the singing bell.

3. Repeat for ONE minute.

   I am called to a sacred connection to all life.

   Our interconnectedness of everything with me …is my conscious powerhouse of energy.

   I am called to connect with my full, and confident expression of myself and engage the circumstances of life with poise and tenacity.

   I see A calm certainty of CONNECTION When I look at nature.

   I notice how the trees provide a nesting place for birds and how rainfall nourishes all living creatures. My observations remind me that I am connected to all things through Spirit.

   I remember and honor my connection to all living beings as sacred by

•   expressing respect to animals, the environment, and all people.
•   Giving thanks for how nature provides & sustain my life.
•   improving my interpersonal skills so that I may connect with authenticity and compassion.
•   growing from life’s wisdom
This wisdom informs my mind and directs my steps. I am a conscious agent for beneficial change.
I connect to my full, and confident expression of myself and engage the circumstances of life with poise and tenacity.

    - Daily word – Believe

An Embodied PAUSE BUTTON...

This is a PAUSE BUTTON in your day…making a better day by making the next moment better. IT REMINDs us in a deep embodied way…that we have all the time we need right now for a good life…well lived.

I teach this to my teams in hospice, (if they are willing). There are many ways to pause but using meditation techniques allow quick access the deep medicine of CONNECTION, (to the Holy SPIRIT or our Higher Power ) in THE NEXT moment.

BECAUSE…pausing can mean that we respond instead of react …and that matters in my world, in your world, and in everyone else’s. Is the world today not reactive ENOUGH?

CONNECTED:
Listen to the meditation here.

No time...not to.

Now is the time
for the world to know
That every thought and action
is sacred

This is the time
For you to deeply compute
the impossibility

That there is anything
But Grace….

–Hafiz, The Gift
Translation Daniel Ladinsky

Because playfully …and in truth…there is no time. This is both quantum and eternal truth that time does not exist.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience…and we are… only now. (i.e. that would be that same moment I mentioned earlier...)

FOR a single minute, you can
• Drop into ‘NO TIME’…(and in no time you can find a moment of ‘no-time’.)

• Take a moment (Say...this ONE) to know time because "NOW is the time" to Know Time… because we don’t need 20 minutes to be calm. We can, with practice, put it all aside..for 60 seconds, drop down, touch down, and BEGIN AGAIN.

No. 1 The In & Out Mantra...

In this first exercise, the "In & Out" Mantra, let's make the mantra short but EXPANSIVE. It can be a word, a principle, an image, a color, an idea, or it could be an experience.

The feeling of opening would be a great mantra for this one minute practice. Whatever you choose take it from your 'happy list'. You don't have a HAPPY LIST...Make one. It's important to your happiness to know the things that make your heart sing.

BEST PRACTICE: the list of happy.
What are your happy symbols, words, images to carry with you?.
ere's my list:

• puppy energy,
• color orange,
• a crackling fire,
• a walk in nature,
• Deco architecture
• laugh lines
•screened porches
• Hafiz etc.

What MAKES YOU HAPPY?)

Choose Happy...(Why not?)

Whatever mantra you choose for the in breath, use it for the out-breath, too. REPEAT & Start again. Do this for one minute. It can be intense but it is easy... Let's take 'EASE" as an example:

Breathe in - THINK: ease
Hold it for a count of 4 - think of that image, sound, meaning as filling you up

Breathe out fully & slowly: THINK: ease (flowing out into the world)
BECAUSE, if you are connected to LOVE (insert you word for God/SOURCE here) you are connected to a fire hose of refreshment and YOU (little old you) have more than enough to spread around. What you are and do matters.

RIGHT? If you are not fully convinced that you have to put in hours on the cushion (to earn) your peace, prove it to yourself. TRY this one a day. Like our AA friends say, it works if you work it.

**HOW to DO a Perfecting Moment?**

1) Go APART – (find a quiet place...where no one can find you...it's only a minute...)
       a. Put it all aside for just 60 seconds.
       b. Decide on what you want your mantra to be for the next 60 seconds
       c. Set timer & go.

2) Align spine …You should get a little spark of energy when you sit
up straight or stand in a mindfully balanced way….

3) Allow the breath to breathe you – BEGIN the minute: breathe in, pause, and out repeating your mantra of the moment.

DO this once a day – or once an hour and you will grow a better life.

ATTRIBUTIONS TODAY:

Daily Word July 29 & 30, 2020: Connection & Believe

THANK YOUs

THANK YOU to all you who have signed up for my monthly writings in Taking Care Resilience News And, of course, to those who have purchased my book.

It is lovely to be seen….and heard

A new & free audio book will be coming out soon… you will get it automatically for those who belong to my mailing list… sign up HERE

1) My thanks to Mary Oliver for her line from THE SUMMER DAY. – my one wild and precious life…

2) MY thanks to SF unity for the invitation to practice as my highest self. I invite you to do that today. We need your voice.

Blessings….on your day.

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The Health Stumble...and Dance

7/10/2020

0 Comments

EM Claire’s poem talks about stumbles…and grace in the stumbles…i.e.the benefits of a friendly Universe.

This is a simple lesson…but deep. It’s not a LESSON for beginners.

To hear the lesson in a stumble...or even just to be willing to hear that the seeming failure or illness not about them…i.e. the judgment from them…of the others…from the world. It’s about something deeper inside... me.

If we are spiritual beings having a human experience – as Telehard de Chardain says, it means we are whole already…as spiritual beings…but in our humanness we experience disturbances… Illness pain and suffering..

The Best Dancers

“Maybe God keeps me here like this
To stumble a little.
If I were to suddenly just turn into light,
Blinding even myself
To the most precious and necessary illusions

Then what hand could hold my own?
Where would rest a weary head?
What good use for warm hearts:
For hot tears?
Why eyes to see?
Why arms to open?
Which lovefamily to fall into?

Oh, only the best dancers know
What grace
Every stumble
Contains." – EM CLAIRE

"We are spiritual beings having a human experience." – as Telehard de Chardain

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

The ocean between these two: the spiritual body and the human body is about caregiving of yourself and your loved ones: spiritual maintenance.

Undeniably pain is part of this human journey…but is suffering?

We DO NOT suffer when we speak the story of unconditional love in a friendly universe. When we embody that love story we are vibrantly healthy. But it's easy to forget. We forget whose and who we are in our fearful wanderings

Getting back to wholeness and health?

It’s a journey in which the whole of the human race accompanies us; we have KINSHIP here – Radical Kinship…(a term by Fr. Greg Boyle and subject of the meditation yesterday by same name)
Caring: self-care and caregiving, is OUR collective and individual healing journey:the ocean between the spiritual body and the human body is caregiving of yourself and your loved ones…

Caregiving is spiritual maintenance and it begins with two things.

Be WILLING
We become willing to hear the disturbances… to hear the lesson…or even just be willing to hear the disturbing story we are telling ourself… under our longings; under the chronic, and the painful.

   ◆   What disturbs you?
   ◆   What story is coming up?

TELL A BETTER STORY…a LOVE Story
We need to remind ourselves to tell a better story…
•   The truer story of what does not change.
•   The Eternal story of an unconditional, accepting love that heals.

We start with knowing that we are not any of the stories we tell – but there are helpful ones and damaging ones, to be sure.
We are spiritual beings with the whole of the kingdom of God inside us. We are, as Rev. Eric Butterworth says, “God is inside us …not like a raisin is in a bun but like an ocean is in a wave.”

How do we get back to wholeness and health?
We become willing to speak the story of unconditional love…persistently and unceasingly. This love is deep at the core of me AND is our most precious NATURAL resource for our lives and a kinder, just world. We stay open.
Let go of your negative judgments of yourself, your cells, your body, and even your fears…
Replace them with Love story.

I Got Kin by Hafiz

Plant.     So that your own heart. Will grow

Love, so God will think, aHHHH, I got kin in that body! I should start inviting that soul over for coffee and rolls.”

Sing.   Because this is a food. Our starving world. Needs.

Laugh      Because that is the purest Sound.

WHAT IS your AFFIRMATION on your stumbles for love today?

What do you affirm for your one wild and precious life today?

What’s in the way of kinship with yourself?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Originally prepared for 100 th session of SHELTER in GRACE – a Sound meditation for your ONE WILD & PRECIOUS LIFE July 10th, 2020

The NEW by line is attributed to Mary Oliver in her most well known line from THE SUMMER DAY.

ATTRIBUTIONS:
1) The best dancers by EM Claire – Silent Sacred Holy Deepening Heart
2) Hafiz I got Kin – the GIFT – translation Daniel Ladinsky

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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If you want to attend the LIVE RECORDING SESSION for SHELTER in GRACE SOUND MEDITATION for your One Wild and Precious Life, they are WEDNESDAY thru SUNDAY @9:45 Pacific Time - link Sound meditation with Rev. Eleesabeth or go to UnitySF.com Website and search virtual offerings...

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RE: renewable caring

Memorial Day reminds us we live in the Garden of Change…

The Lesson of the Rose: encouragement

The Lotus' Lesson of the holy muck

Grief is MUD BATH -

THE MUD-FUELED NEW STORIES...waiting

CONNECTED & a Perfecting Moment

Practicing the PERFECTing Moment

An Embodied PAUSE BUTTON...

CONNECTED:
Listen to the meditation here.

No time...not to.

No. 1 The In & Out Mantra...

Choose Happy...(Why not?)

**HOW to DO a Perfecting Moment?**

ATTRIBUTIONS TODAY:

THANK YOUs

The Health Stumble...and Dance

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

Getting back to wholeness and health?

EM Hager
Author, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.

Archives

Categories

Sustainable Caregiving in sweet small steps...and two books:

RE: renewable caring

Memorial Day reminds us we live in the Garden of Change…

The Lesson of the Rose: encouragement

The Lotus' Lesson of the holy muck

Grief is MUD BATH -

THE MUD-FUELED NEW STORIES...waiting

CONNECTED & a Perfecting Moment

Practicing the PERFECTing Moment

An Embodied PAUSE BUTTON...

CONNECTED: Listen to the meditation here.

No time...not to.

No. 1 The In & Out Mantra...

Choose Happy...(Why not?)

HOW to DO a Perfecting Moment?

ATTRIBUTIONS TODAY:

THANK YOUs

The Health Stumble...and Dance

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

Getting back to wholeness and health?

EM HagerAuthor, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.

Archives

Categories

Sustainable Caregiving in sweet small steps...and two books:

CONNECTED:
Listen to the meditation here.

**HOW to DO a Perfecting Moment?**

EM Hager
Author, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.