Category: Caregiver Stress

Eulogy for a M.A.I.D. Patient

9/6/2021

The medical aid in dying legislation allows patients to apply for and take an end-of-life cocktail. This is new to people in hospice. We are still sorting through and sitting with the differences. For example, as Interfaith spiritual hospice care, I create eulogies and memorial services after the patient dies. This one was sp0ken to my patient. He liked it...and I read it on his deathday...to him.

Eulogy & Prayer for L.C.
September 4, 2021 9 AM PDT

May all that we say
and all that we do be in harmony with thee,
God within me,
God beyond me…
Maker of the Trees.

Today L.C. will meet the Maker of Trees.
A carpenter, the grandson of a farmer, brother, and uncle to his family but also a friend, and teacher to the wider world…the teacher for many young men to be better in the world… to be makers in the world.

Holy One of Many Names, We ask that OUR hearts be open to see more clearly...To see your presence is with us all &…always…underneath the many misunderstandings of love that get in the way of seeing. Open OUR hearts now…that we might move motes and logs from our eyes…to see deeper and more clearly….

The light we can see with our eyes in goes out gently at our end…but this man has made a life around following a more evergreen light– your everlasting light–to the best of his ability, which is all that you ask of us, here while on this Earth.

Maker of all THINGS, Receive this carpenter, who taught many of your sons the skills of life crafting…of responsibility and of forming useful things… of fixing things… making broken parts into a whole to the best of his ability.

These teachings form his legacy…like a rock thrown into a still pool, the ripples expand from this point and move outward…growing more of itself as it moves into the world, making waves, which meet others to create more waves…of itself – of kindness, responsibility and love… He leaves this world a better place for his brother, sister, nephews and family but also for the greater world… in the legacy of teaching responsibility, kindness, and being a maker of things…not a destroyer.

He now places the unfinished projects of his heart into your care waiting…as seeds in good soil.

Receive this carpenter not because he used what he had to create more good, which he did, but simply because of love…he is a beloved son who has finally come home… & come home to your call. And he has met that call by reaching back to you, responding to your call with the same consideration and kindness for others, which formed his life.

It is our honor here, to wait with L.C. on this edge of life, surrounded by and supported by the arms of God, the Maker of All Things…

May he feel this love now and be welcomed home…to the place we all come from …and the place to which we will all go, when it is our time.

May all that we say
and all that we do be in harmony with thee,
God within me,
God beyond me…
Maker of the Trees.

Amen.

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Sound to Stay awake...and to sleep with...

12/6/2020

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Max Richters piece Dream 3 (in the midst of my life)

Like many others, I stumbled into Zoom to support people. Almost 200 YouTube sound meditations later, I am on sabbatical for the holidays and thinking about what i might offer in January 2021 when I begin again. What do I need? What does the world need. My answer to both is rest. This post is about a composer who makes music to help us sleep: Max Richter may be in your COVID-19 necessary coping toolkit...

The Work of Max Richter is a COVID-19 toolkit must.

The intention for my sound meditations are to help us STAY AWAKE yet still open hearted in order to continue to show up in the world, which needs us to do so... but sound can also help us sleep.

As I started researching how sound might help us do this, I came across an artist whose work has gracefully delved into "What kind of music would I want if I am sleeping?" (LINK to it here) Max Richter sees music as an extension of natures balance and symmetry...for growth.

Max Richter' sleep music for your Covid-19 coping kit.

Max Richter does music compositions for sleep - One lasts 8 hours - this link is called SLEEP 2 & lasts 2 minutes...

As a hospice chaplain, I support many in the scariest places they have ever journeyed: to the edge of life. It is the edge of our known world. My intention in my own work is to walk with people to enough ease...to support people in staying awake...while actively giving care in the world.

Because insomnia is rampant here...on the edge of the known world...and we need "a place to rest".

Max Richter walking in a Los Angeles outdoor venue with an interviewer...before the concert there in 2018

And he made music (and a film) for SLEEPING PEOPLE..."to help us navigate our way through the chaos that we live in..."

Max Richer at the Sydney Opera House...performing sleep

Max Richter Composes with the symmetry of nature...

Max Richter composed a piece of music that lasts 8 hours and is derived from the symmetry of nature. He has, before COVID-19 restrictions, performed it to sleeping audiences...on cots in symphony halls and outside in amphitheatres for eight hours. It is lovely. I would like to recommend it and many other sleep pieces for your COVID-19 coping tool kit

We need to find harmony and growth. Max Richter sees it in fibonacci
numbers and the symmetry of nature...

May it help you too this holiday season.

SHELTER IN GRACE Sound Meditations may help you stay awake...May it be so. Thank you for your support too.

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FAITH: PLACE your BETS

7/11/2020

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We all have uncertainty in our pandemic ridden world…in my personal world …where I am employed… things are changing with my several hospices.

Oddly they seem to all be changing at the same time. It is triggering me, what I was thinking was diversified risk spread over many sources of income was secure…right?

Life is AGAIN asking me to touch my story of fear…Mine is called “not enough” and it seems to be woven into my DNA… but it is not.

“Faith is the assurance of things hoped for
And the conviction of things unseen.”

“The most important question anyone can ask… says Einstein (probably)
the answer will either contract your life in fear or open you up with options:
“Is the Universe a friendly place?’”

Joyous wager…
An inherent believe in the goodness of the unseen is a bet worth placing.
– No. 27

My DNA is well made & divinely inspired but...

My DNA is well made and divinely inspired... I have the whole of the Kingdom of God inside me…

God is in me not like a raisin is in a bun…God is in me like an ocean is in a wave.
–Eric Butterworth

Not enough…This is a STORY…I am NOT this story. But it is a reoccurring story in my upbringing – in all human beings really…will I be ok? Will I have enough? Who do I trust to help me?

For me today the question is more about surrender. I can’t reason with this story. I don’t know how to fix this…so I will rely faith and bet on a friendly universe. Faith is not about understanding...it is about trust.

“Trust the steady, simple thing over the complex, clever thing. Bet on the good in people.” – Seth Godin

COVID-19 is the pressure cooker du Jour

I surrender all this noise in my head… to a friendly universe.

I have noticed that life is simply this practice. This is the spiritual journey to peace. I have seen over and over how in my life and those I support as a hospice and bereavement chaplain how life seems perfectly created – moment to moment – to trigger what is yet to be healed in us…in me

We are being changed…COVID-19 is the pressure cooker du Jour…it brings things up that need to be healed. Racism, Sexism Ageism…

“The most important question anyone can ask is ‘Is the Universe a friendly place?’” – Albert Einstein

Here is the remedy…it’s simple and steady and powerful.

The answer will either contract your life in fear or open you up with options.

Here is the remedy…it’s simple and steady and powerful.

Bet on Einstein’s friendly Universe. Gamble on that which will propel you forward. Make an investment. Have some faith.

Bet on the good in people…even if they don’t share their politics or religion or taste in clothes.

Right now, some new opportunity is growing in the dark- in the good dirt of my life… your lives. Perhaps it has been waiting for us to notice and nurture it for a long time

ATTRIBUTIONS:

1)   Seth Godin – a metaphysical marketer and blogger
2)   The bible – Hebrews 11:1
3)   Einstein – probably said it…
4)   My book Rule no. 27 Joyous Wager.

    I Got Kin
Plant.     So that your own heart. Will grow
Love, so God will think, aHHHH, I got kin in that body! …
Sing.   Because this is a food. Our starving world Needs. Laugh    Because that is the purest Sound.
       – by Hafiz – 13th century Sufi poet

If you enjoyed this linked sound meditation – please Subscribe on Youtube.
If you are caregiving – try my monthly email – Taking Care Resilience News signup
If you want to attend the LIVE RECORDING SESSION for SHELTER in GRACE SOUND MEDITATION for your One Wild and Precious Life, they are WEDNESDAY thru SUNDAY @9:45 Pacific Time - link Sound meditation with Rev. Eleesabeth or go to UnitySF.com Website and search virtual offerings...

THANK YOUS
My thanks to Mary Oliver for her line from THE SUMMER DAY. – my one wild and Precious Life.

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The Health Stumble...and Dance

7/10/2020

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EM Claire’s poem talks about stumbles…and grace in the stumbles…i.e.the benefits of a friendly Universe.

This is a simple lesson…but deep. It’s not a LESSON for beginners.

To hear the lesson in a stumble...or even just to be willing to hear that the seeming failure or illness not about them…i.e. the judgment from them…of the others…from the world. It’s about something deeper inside... me.

If we are spiritual beings having a human experience – as Telehard de Chardain says, it means we are whole already…as spiritual beings…but in our humanness we experience disturbances… Illness pain and suffering..

The Best Dancers

“Maybe God keeps me here like this
To stumble a little.
If I were to suddenly just turn into light,
Blinding even myself
To the most precious and necessary illusions

Then what hand could hold my own?
Where would rest a weary head?
What good use for warm hearts:
For hot tears?
Why eyes to see?
Why arms to open?
Which lovefamily to fall into?

Oh, only the best dancers know
What grace
Every stumble
Contains." – EM CLAIRE

"We are spiritual beings having a human experience." – as Telehard de Chardain

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

The ocean between these two: the spiritual body and the human body is about caregiving of yourself and your loved ones: spiritual maintenance.

Undeniably pain is part of this human journey…but is suffering?

We DO NOT suffer when we speak the story of unconditional love in a friendly universe. When we embody that love story we are vibrantly healthy. But it's easy to forget. We forget whose and who we are in our fearful wanderings

Getting back to wholeness and health?

It’s a journey in which the whole of the human race accompanies us; we have KINSHIP here – Radical Kinship…(a term by Fr. Greg Boyle and subject of the meditation yesterday by same name)
Caring: self-care and caregiving, is OUR collective and individual healing journey:the ocean between the spiritual body and the human body is caregiving of yourself and your loved ones…

Caregiving is spiritual maintenance and it begins with two things.

Be WILLING
We become willing to hear the disturbances… to hear the lesson…or even just be willing to hear the disturbing story we are telling ourself… under our longings; under the chronic, and the painful.

   ◆   What disturbs you?
   ◆   What story is coming up?

TELL A BETTER STORY…a LOVE Story
We need to remind ourselves to tell a better story…
•   The truer story of what does not change.
•   The Eternal story of an unconditional, accepting love that heals.

We start with knowing that we are not any of the stories we tell – but there are helpful ones and damaging ones, to be sure.
We are spiritual beings with the whole of the kingdom of God inside us. We are, as Rev. Eric Butterworth says, “God is inside us …not like a raisin is in a bun but like an ocean is in a wave.”

How do we get back to wholeness and health?
We become willing to speak the story of unconditional love…persistently and unceasingly. This love is deep at the core of me AND is our most precious NATURAL resource for our lives and a kinder, just world. We stay open.
Let go of your negative judgments of yourself, your cells, your body, and even your fears…
Replace them with Love story.

I Got Kin by Hafiz

Plant.     So that your own heart. Will grow

Love, so God will think, aHHHH, I got kin in that body! I should start inviting that soul over for coffee and rolls.”

Sing.   Because this is a food. Our starving world. Needs.

Laugh      Because that is the purest Sound.

WHAT IS your AFFIRMATION on your stumbles for love today?

What do you affirm for your one wild and precious life today?

What’s in the way of kinship with yourself?

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Originally prepared for 100 th session of SHELTER in GRACE – a Sound meditation for your ONE WILD & PRECIOUS LIFE July 10th, 2020

The NEW by line is attributed to Mary Oliver in her most well known line from THE SUMMER DAY.

ATTRIBUTIONS:
1) The best dancers by EM Claire – Silent Sacred Holy Deepening Heart
2) Hafiz I got Kin – the GIFT – translation Daniel Ladinsky

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

If you enjoyed this linked sound meditation – please Subscribe on Youtube.
If you are caregiving – try my monthly email – Taking Care Resilience News signup
If you want to attend the LIVE RECORDING SESSION for SHELTER in GRACE SOUND MEDITATION for your One Wild and Precious Life, they are WEDNESDAY thru SUNDAY @9:45 Pacific Time - link Sound meditation with Rev. Eleesabeth or go to UnitySF.com Website and search virtual offerings...

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Netflix Bingeing, Rest, & the Journey...

1/10/2020

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Restoratative?
I admit that I may have a problem...I love my life and what I do but... sometimes my need for distraction gets a little alarming. Police procedurals work well. I like the ones, which are not too bloody, and generally where they get the bad guy (or girl) within the 45 minute format. I am not above "Cozy Mysteries" in the English genre traditions, too. Science fiction is also a good fit for me as I like science and new, interesting ways of thinking about humanity and our collective learning edges. All these shows reinforce my idea of a hopeful but, indeed, changing world; they also relax my mind, a bit, and take me out of other people's stories, of which I hear quite a lot.

They are also a form of rest. Restorative activities, ones that we can take in, are very important to find and employ. Right? Maybe digital detox can work in reverse. It eases the stories out of our heads and programs us with new stories...this can be good, as long as we are discerning in our choices, right?

But what is too much? Two shows? Four shows? Six in a row?
Let's set aside the addictive way each new show on Netflix (and other streaming services) rarely end on a satisfying note. They create a skillful climactic up tick that hooks and funnels you into the next episode (STARTING IN 3 SECONDS...). HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

More Qualitative than Quantitative: meditation as discernment
The real question that is up for me is: What is underneath my need for distraction? The answer could be very different on different bingeing...days. Maybe it is boredom? Or fatigue? My own lack of imagination? Maybe it is fear?

This is why I must meditate each day....to be awake to what I am doing and how I am using my time...because none of us have all the time in the world.

Here is another question that came to me from my spiritual director because she knows my need to strive. (I can't help it; efforting is part of my inbred prairie constitution.) Here it is. See if it changes your life, like it is changing mine.

What is the highest return on my soul's mission... &
(wait for it...) EASIEST for me to do? - Rev. Dr. Megan Wagner

Maybe the distraction is generative? Or perhaps, it is bridging me to some insight.

Maybe it is play.
Play Daily is a rule of mine. Play is part of the journey...actually maybe it IS the journey. What if, (and this is another question from that same wise woman...) it was of the UPMOST importance to the Universe, (to the Holy, to the Almighty, to the Holy One of Many Names,) that we are in play and joy?

What if that was the ultimate use? It is an important question, right up there with how much MORE can I do? More. More. More, which leads to the idea that we don't have enough ...or are not enough just as we are.

It is good marketing, of course, for product sales but not fodder for the good life. Gratitude is fodder for a good life. It is a superpower.

My Playtime: Did I mention that I am recording an audible book?
(I am also binge watching a Canadian Sci Fi series called The Travelers, which is a kinder and gentler bodysnatchers who are trying to save the world in 3 seasons. It is thoughtful...and a lot of fun.)

Have fun today... that is our job, too.

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It all started with a caregiver...& the IRS

1/13/2019

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Have you seen "On the Basis of Sex..."? The thing is...it all started with a caregiver.

It's a well done movie–relevant recent history about gender equality. But the thing is...the revolution started with a caregiver. A good son was caregiving his mother and he got slammed by the IRS saying THAT deduction was only for men.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg and the ACLU found it to be a perfect test case to start challenging all the laws that we now take for granted. All of you caregivers out there will relate to this poor guy's daily grind. Mom in a chair, dementia eating away at her, him stuck in the chaos and he's got another battle with the IRS.

Go see the movie. It is an important and healthy distraction...while you do it...remember what you are doing matters.

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8 minutes of fresh, ancient wisdom: 'The Good Enough Daily'

11/6/2018

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Louise Hay, Cheryl Richardson have wonderful card decks...these are just a few of the ones I use each day.

I have started a daily practice of gathering serendipitous wisdom from the day. I have a plan to create something more public–perhaps a video or audio daily live chat called "The Good Enough Daily". It is on a long list of possibles: TBD.

But until then, let me tell you about them on the hopes that it may inspire you to do the same. Here are some I use...there are so many card decks out there...

(various) Unity's card decks - link Amazon
Louise Hay's Power Thought Cards - link Amazon
Cheryl Richardson's Grace Cards - link Amazon
Self Care Cards - link Amazon

I draw cards as part of my waking up process...usually with coffee. They are part of my own spiritual practices each day to help me taking care of myself...and keep my inner balance as I take care of many each day as a hospice chaplain.

This is also for the fifteen MILLION unpaid caregivers who are doing the daily, chaotic work of caring for their infirm loved ones.

Much like my weekly sound meditations in San Francisco, I listen for what is 'in the room'. There I ask people to <quickly> check in:

How was your week? Your day?
What came up for you? What is troubling you? Sticking to you?
Any celebratory events or challenges?

Then I paint the watercolor of what the sound, silence and poetry might be of support to those and what is 'in the room'.

It's a form of meditative improv in service of love. So is drawing cards every morning.

Improv 'What is" is one of the rules in the Fieldguide. Any of its many forms of implementation is a good practice for me. You see my (prairie, bootstrapped) inclination is to want to get 'it' perfect and over prepare for whatever...

Life is not that way. All I (and you) have to do is show up knowing we are enough...and worthy to be participating in what is in front of us. Then we do the best we are able. Both (preaching) ministers at my Unity Church in San Francisco are stellar at improv on the stage...but for me it is a learning edge.

Because we all have our edges. At last Sunday's meditation, several people spoke about the edge between what shows up in the world and what shows up inside us...and then there is the pause. This is the place of choice...do we choose to react, respond? Are we triggered? Are we needing to be right? This is the same edge for us all.

Reading the Day
It is in same way that I draw several cards from my various (and lovely) spiritual card decks each morning and take a moment (but not too many moments...) to see if there a pattern to the cards drawn. I then read this wisdom and speak about it for eight minutes, because who has a lot of time in the mornings?

...and I have theme music, too. "Good Enough" by Karen Drucker. She is awesome, if you are not familiar with her as both a songwriter and a performer. Check out her song if you want a lift to your day.

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My Father said if I had 1 or 2 authentic friends in my life...I would be rich

1/4/2018

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I am preparing a collaborative series of presentations around my new book and working with a dear friend to accomplish it. It is great (chaplain) fun to find common ground between the sacred wisdoms and with the highly actionable nature of neuroscience research.

Heart and head are powerful partners which change the planet...and certainly our lives.

This day long symposium is on resiliency in nursing.
These beautiful professional caregivers experience much of the same stress symptoms as their unpaid sisters and brothers on the front lines of love. But the opportunity to work with a true friend when doing this work (that matters...) is an exceptional thing.

My father was a wise man: John W. Hager
He is gone from this earth and has been for decades, but his words are alive in me. His saying about the quantity (of friends) that make one's life rich, flies in the social media's face. As a new author, I am validated by how many people sign up for messages from me (...and by all means, please sign up). Having said that, however, the magnitude of a nearby friend, one that shows up with treats when they hear a twitch in your best "I'm fine" survival voice, is measured on an earthquake scale.

The 4.8 earthquake (which woke me up last night) is felt by all. But only one more richter point and it is feared by all.

A true friend is a wonder...they gently turn post-traumatic-stress from disorder to order...and growth.

(or maybe even some fun.)

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RE: renewable caring

Eulogy for a M.A.I.D. Patient

Sound to Stay awake...and to sleep with...

The Work of Max Richter is a COVID-19 toolkit must.

Max Richter' sleep music for your Covid-19 coping kit.

Because insomnia is rampant here...on the edge of the known world...and we need "a place to rest".

Max Richter Composes with the symmetry of nature...

FAITH: PLACE your BETS

My DNA is well made & divinely inspired but...

COVID-19 is the pressure cooker du Jour

Here is the remedy…it’s simple and steady and powerful.

ATTRIBUTIONS:

The Health Stumble...and Dance

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

Getting back to wholeness and health?

Netflix Bingeing, Rest, & the Journey...

It all started with a caregiver...& the IRS

8 minutes of fresh, ancient wisdom: 'The Good Enough Daily'

My Father said if I had 1 or 2 authentic friends in my life...I would be rich

EM Hager
Author, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.

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Sustainable Caregiving in sweet small steps...and two books:

RE: renewable caring

The Work of Max Richter is a COVID-19 toolkit must.

Max Richter' sleep music for your Covid-19 coping kit.

Because insomnia is rampant here...on the edge of the known world...and we need "a place to rest".

Max Richter Composes with the symmetry of nature...

My DNA is well made & divinely inspired but...

COVID-19 is the pressure cooker du Jour

Here is the remedy…it’s simple and steady and powerful.

ATTRIBUTIONS:

Caregiving: Spiritual Maintenance

Getting back to wholeness and health?

EM HagerAuthor, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.

Archives

Categories

EM Hager
Author, Bereavement & Spiritual care, Sound meditation guide.