 A neighbor gave me this reminder of how the small...can be so very bright. I learn my own critical lessons at my patient's bedside each day (which I already knew...but apparently keep forgetting).
Life reminds me as watch over them. I find this curious. Frankly, it both sucks and is lovely in equal measure. And it's, for sure, humbling. As a hospice and bereavement chaplain, I support people who are near the end of their term here...and those who are reconciling their lives after the loss of a dear one. The edge of life and death, reminds me about how to keep my own life, well-lived by those very small and powerful habitual methods...each day. Practicing the small powers... I am seeing the power of dailiness in beneficial habits and rituals. Those little daily tasks that are almost automatic for us can be grand boosts to our lives taken on the whole. What do I practice daily? In my life, I have more commonly used grand efforts, all-in ventures, and dramatic grabs at the success ring du jour. For example, my body's illusionary capacity for long hours and hard work is one, and my wilfulness in forcing and pushing things and people (ahem...usually politely) along on my prescribed path to the promised land of Secretariat-like wins. What I practice accumulates and compounds rewards. My personality is quite a bit more artistic than methodical, so this revelation does not come naturally to me. By 'methods', I mean that I/we/you do NOT have to be original in everything, but the benefits of PRACTICING the proven and even ancient paths reap for us exponentially. I can, effectively, renew me, and not get depleted in the first place. Focusing on my own sustainability, and modeling self-care-as-a-circle for others, I need to be wiser...and more methodical in the dailiness of my own life. The even better news is these small ancient methods are at hand. They are both always available and simple. Breath and death is mother to us all. Right? Modeling self-care-as-a-circle Your breath is your first task, which it was the moment you were born. It was, literally, the first thing you ever did. It will also be all our last tasks on this Earth - pretty much by definition. But do we think about the quality and power of it, daily? A Good life in our /this middle passage depends on it. Breathe like a Diva is our first method of power. This is, of course, not new information... The other usual suspects are here:
But I propose a re-framing here... I suggest some more inspired 'habit' categories, which might help us/me think about them more creatively... yet still in methodical ways. How about these?
The good news is this innate wisdom is at hand. It may seem to drift away but it only settles in deeper. It is waiting for me/you/us, patiently in our dark, as we drop down to our heart centers or (in a more Judeo-Christian framework... to our kingdom of god within). How we fill up these categories will light up our lives - daily. Do that. (Paraphrased from Howard Thurman...). Make it your method, your new small habit. No time? Do it for 5 minutes. See where it takes you. This spark will light you up. It will breathe life back into all the days we have... Heart, tell them what you came for Heart, tell them what you came for Heart, tell them what you've been daydreamin' about - James Blake, Tell Them Care to share your categories, methods or daily habits that inspire and renew you? We need your spark and voice because sparks begat sparks...
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 There is a power in leveraging what is. There is an ease there—a flow like the water garden of the ancient Venetians. They worked with the tides. The ancient Venetians came up with a crazy new idea that succeeded for them. They innovated with what was within reach and made water streets. The sea now protected them from their enemies.
It’s not easy being a gardener— of water or our lives. You are not in control of the growing. We are facilitating, keeping watch, and adapting...At some point, we get to be our own gardeners (...or mothers). We learn better—more regenerative, wiser wisdoms or we continue to loop, unaware, with the old ones until our crops die or we do. What’s the difference between a weed and a flower? Location, location, location. They could be the same plant—but a weed in one landscape and a prized flower in another. It’s about a right fit. Pampas grass is great in its native Africa, but in Northern California it commonly hurts animals that are not adapted to eating. We don’t see a ‘weed’ as useful because it does not serve us or belong. Perhaps it has harmed us in the past (poison ivy or oak…) or it triggers something in uslike a remembered resentment. (My weed of ‘not enough’ has an unfortunately robust taproot.) These are weeds in my good life—so are fear and anxiety. My life today is not the ‘garden’ that I had planned to tend. My soil was rototilled by death. It wasn’t until the protective overstory of my grandmother and father fell that I felt the full exposure of the world. The thing about gardening with ‘What Is,’ is that it is not clear until you try a few times, growing a crop, or a relationship, or a business, if it will bear fruit—or if it even belongs to me. Perhaps it’s an imposter’s Cuckoo-egg of a story in my nest. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a ladder, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”--Albert Einstein While you are there (on your butt, in the muck of grief), you might as well check out the flanking resources—it might be the good manure for the of your dreams. Perhaps plant something different while I’m here? Or should I try again to do over but better this time...My life stopped working. I got stuck. Grief made me see differently. I need to Wait Here and feel what needs to be felt—for me right now: the hurt, sadness, disappointment, and the satisfaction and joy. Then I will know what to weed or feed. Make a garden from what you already have—it’s enough. Watch for the seedlings that will grow a better life for you. Water the happy and delightful; weed the rest. Like those seeds, we are waiting for the conditions to spark life again. –From A Hospice Chaplain's Field Guide to Caregiving- Finding Resilience on the Frontlines of Love - EMHager.com |
EM Hager
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